I had two days of very focused practice. Yesterday Mara stopped by and attacked. Now I feel shame, self-disgust, paranoia and anger. Picking up. Brushing off. Another step. Am I close to real change, or just creating drama to kid myself?
Reading about the dark night of the soul convinces me I may be near real change.
Thinking I may be near real change convinces me I'm fooling myself.
This is where a teacher/guide would be handy. Gotta find me one of those.
Bows to all you good people.
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Hi. Welcome.
I strive to share aspects of Buddhism I enjoy or find accessible / interesting. I've taken precepts in the Nishijima lineage of Soto Zen. Buddhism seems to be helpful for a better life, but to my eye is often shrouded in too much weight and mystery, or fluff and fantasy. I'm looking for a middle way.
I hope you find something useful, interesting, whimsical or a-musing. According to blogger, most people end up here because they are searching for a picture of a fish bowl. Go figure...
I am also hoping to contact people of a like mind. That is, open to the exploration of 'self' and 'truth' through Zen. If you react to something written here, I'd enjoy hearing from you. Leave a comment. Comments to older than 14 days are moderated.
I hope you find something useful, interesting, whimsical or a-musing. According to blogger, most people end up here because they are searching for a picture of a fish bowl. Go figure...
Buddhist Blogs I Read
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The Last Post3 years ago
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An Artist's Empty Canvas10 years ago
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Dogen - meditation11 years ago
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The Mudra12 years ago
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Equanimity13 years ago
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6 comments:
I have often heard, that when the student is ready the teacher appears... Today I read an interesting spin on that: When the teacher is ready, the student appears.
Jordan,
Good to hear from you. Have you found good students and teachers on Okinawa?
I keep intending to get down to the " local" zen center, and fail to actually do it. This last weekend I had my resolve under contol, but the place was closed for summer break. Now a multifamily float down a river is planned for next weekend. I may just have to pick an early work morning to go down for 6 am zazen.
Hi Lauren,
wow, sounds like you're in the heart of your practice! Mara is a dear friend to me but even good friends are assholes sometimes. That's life, nobody's perfect in a way we want 'em to be. Dropping off... keep on practicing... shit!
All the best to you!
Yeah, Uku.
Talk about a butt buddy! Whenever I start getting in a good zazen schedule groove, Mara seems to pop out of some dark hole and frustrate me. However, I will indeed keep practicing. Thanks!
Hi Lauren,
I had one regular sitter, but he went stateside.
I'm closing for the Fall patrol and probably wont be open again until after next spring patrol. Busy deployment schedule this year and well, it sucks to be needed.
Lauren - it is perfectly fine to be attacked by Mara..the key is to be aware that you are being attacked rather than being engulfed in it..you are already there, my friend..bows to you..:)
Jordan - LOL. I had to laugh at - it sucks to be needed..I am in the same place..being needed too much..Oh universe - please help me get some breathing room in my schedule!!
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