Dangerous Ideas
When it looked like it was going to have to be called off, I was really upset about losing Jukai next week and maybe even my chance to visit w/ Brad. All of this upset was just an idea, but it really affected me. Definite duhka. My wife read my face, as wives do, and wanted to know what was up. I told her about my upset and she became miserable for me too. All this misery from something that wasn't here and wasn't now. Misery over the idea of not being able to do something. I could have acted better, I'm sure, but at least I saw this play out. Is it really always good to share ideas, even if they are "real?" If I had turned more to what was really before me, it was nothing. No pain and anguish. Just me standing with my wife in a room.
Attachments
So, yeah, all that desire for things to go as I had been planning them was massive attachment, of the not-helpful sort. I also saw that pretty quick and was able to turn the internal storm a bit. I saw that I was faced with a stream of karma, of cause-effect, that was not matching my idea, so I better just face the new, real, reality and take a next step.
Rakusu Progress
My rakusu is coming along. Sewing the lines in the en is really the hardest part, I think. I'm nearly done, and so finally understanding the best way to finish off a thread and start a new one. So much balancing going on. Focus or distraction, long thread or short, fast motion or slow. Patience with crazy thread knots has been a challenge. And don't tell anyone, but I don't think I've said "I take refuge in the Buddha" with exactly every stitch. Pics follow. In the last one you can see the mid line stitches in the en. Learning the blind stitch took some research, but I finally got it.
5 comments:
Keep it up, you're almost there. I just did jukai last November. A wonderful experience, and sewing and chanting were, for me, such a powerful opportunity for me to watch my mind's wildness, and let go of it all.
Best,
Nathan
I wonder if Buddha would have authorised a sewing machine if it were available...
Yeah, sometimes things just happens and our practice can really help us to deal with them. But we're all human beings and we're learning from everything. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience, Lauren!
Nathan,
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm working to add chanting to my regular practice.
Jordan,
Can we decide which is more important, the journey or the destination. If the later then sewing machines or internet purchases, if the former, then lots of sore fingers, strained eyes, and cussing. Probably the "correct" answer is no sewing machines and no absence of sewing machines.
Uku,
Yes, learning from everything, but will there be a final exam?!
I think the final exam is right here, right now, all the time; we can learn only from this present moment and our mistakes and efforts are made only in this present moment. Like Dogen wrote about how practice is right here, right now. Is it important to think what the degree might be or is it more important to take care of taking the exam? :)
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